Wednesday, September 26, 2018

The hustle is back

Yesterday morning I found myself driving in the rain to a town about 20 miles away to hit a "meet and greet" that a hospital had posted deep down in the body of a job listing. I had a feeling it was going to be fruitless but here I was again...looking for a job and needing to pound the pavement.

I am so utterly tired of trying to prove myself.

But, in retrospect, it doesn't seem to matter when I have a job or not, I'm always banging down doors and trying to explain to people what I'm about to do, and how awesome it is going to be.

And as I was driving in the rain yesterday morning, the road opened up. There were no trees, no highways, just open space. I knew this place. There were large fields laid out before me and I had an immediate sense of peace. This is Valley Forge, the trail I know and enjoy from time to time, especially when I'm training for a race. Why am I not training for a race right now. Why am I not embedded in these fields.

Oh right, because I'm in the weeds. I'm in the hustle. Again.

I'm no stranger to the hustle. I'm sure I have spent more hours in my life hustling for work rather than working, especially if you count schooling as hustling. This moment is reminding me of the cab in the rain (this post), and the shower that got cut short...those times in my life when I stared deep into that moment (like this post), poured out my heart, looked around me and realized, I'm worth so much more (and this post).

I'm in a good hustle this time. I chose my path, my schooling, a clear direction for this one. A very well-worn path, with many different trails branching off of it, all leading to a higher point on the mountain than I was ever going to reach in my previous travails. And I'm not talking about money - I'm talking about respect, a ladder, options, advancement if I want it, extra side gigs where you are not always low man on the totem pole...a little more autonomy on how your career will develop.

So maybe that is why I'm struggling. I want this whole thing to get started, so I can start on one of those many trails. I'm ready to run! Only, with so many options, I'm in a bit of overchoice! Like a FOMO, as the young people would say.

So a bit about me lately - I passed the dreaded NCLEX! It was a momentous occasion! I KNEW I passed it WHILE I was taking it. The questions were seemingly made for me - things I had studied in that very last week - areas where I felt completely strong - I actually had a moment where I said thank you to the test. Thank you to whomever sent me these questions.

So I'm on a bit of a high because in the following week I had two interviews! And today I received a call for a third. When it rains, it pours. They are all in completely different fields, at completely different hospitals. All would be good positions, but which one is great? And which one is great FOR. ME.?

And yet, yesterday, I still felt the need to drive in the rain to nowheresville hospital. What am I looking for. I don't want to make a mistake. I want to explore all these newfound options. I want to start in a place that's going to serve the rest of this career I would like to build. I want to start strong because I'm also not a young person and not a slow person.

Also, I still have no job offer...yet...

So I hit the road.

Always trying, Always doing...

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