Thursday, April 9, 2015

Something

"Was that something you always wanted to do?" he asked.

"Well, yes," I immediately said. "I couldn't have not had children."

I was catching up with a friend from the theater days, whom I hadn't seen or heard from in ten years. He had joined the army as a medic, and had been to Iraq and Afghanistan, amongst other endeavours, since I'd seen him last.

I had gotten married and had babies. My favorite ending to all novels.

But here we are, in the second book of our lives.

Certainly when my husband and I were going through our trying period and diagnostics, I became even more ensconced with the idea of having children. We joked that we would get seven dogs, one for each day of the week, but, in truth, we would have tried to foster or adopt.

I would have always missed not having babes in arms.

Of course I also miss a theater career, but that's temporary. Well, at least the career part.

Theatre is a BIG FAT TEASE.

Always was, always will be.

Why do you always tempt me? Why do I keep running back. We are never to be a full time commitment.

I keep thinking if I start contacting agents again, if I really put together a nice monologue, if I set up a website...

Why do I keep getting in bed with you.

And then you don't call for five years.

I always say to young girls, the two times I've had the opportunity to do so, that you should write your own stuff. I just finished Mindy Kaling's book, Is everyone hanging out without me?, in which she corroborates my advice. If you want to "make it", the only chance you will have is to be Charlize Theron, or have your own stories to tell. And I really like my songs, but I'm not a very good writer.

Ha ha, I know, you see me writing right here.

But I mean like dialogue and stuff. Melody, I'm pretty good at, I think.


So I watched my friend launch herself into the canon this week with her own theatre company and I'm very excited for her. I see her fellow playwrights lead the way for her and I realize: these are their babies. Never again will they be able to retreat to the couch without thinking about them. Without investing in them. Without thinking about how each move that you make and each line that you write, how it will affect your babies years down the line.

It is an interesting life. Let's watch.



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