Monday, March 23, 2015

Running is unhealthy

For me.

Right now.

Don't get your panties in a wad, I'm usually one to force through the pain, but I either have: 

Don't worry; I've pinned all my research for you in this one convenient place

I did experiemce sciatica during my twyn pregnancy so this third one is sounding about right, right now. Also, some kind of bunion-like thing has appeared on the side of my left foot. Sexy. Reminds me of the time I wore crop tops in college and no one told me that I shouldn't, even though I definitely should not have. Gross.
The good news is that I think my daughter knows how to dress.
No, I haven't sought outside help yet. I did try a spin class. I waited a week, then I tried gentle yoga.

Nope and nope.

I don't know if this is entirely related, but this is all making me a mess again.

Well, it's probably related.

I want to strike mom from my title. I don't want to give up kids, mind you, but I want to stop writing about mom things;  looking like a mom; acting like a mom; and I definitely don't want to be like every other "mother runner" and work towards a huge mom goal race like Ironman.
[Although I have really really investigated within myself if I want to complete an Ironman, which would include the thought "would I want to still do this if I couldn't share it with anyone, and I just had this knowledge for myself, within myself?" and the answer is a resounding YES. So I do know that I do genuinely want to complete the race for my own person accomplishment-within-me-self-ego-SELF.]
I guess for starters, this is precipitated- no that's not the right word- this was spurned by a phone interview I had last week where the interviewer was very kind, but also very blunt. My "mommy gap" is looking bleak. I have been busy, as you are well aware if you follow this blog, but none of it looks good in print.

The good news is that the twyns do. This is at the Radnor Art Show, the first showcase of their works :)


But *I* don't look good in print. I don't look that hot in person these days, either, especially with a hip injury keeping me couch-bound, but I certainly do not look good in a social-media-centric-job-world that grew up in the last 6 years since I've been out. I kind of wanted to not only go back to my former types of positions in higher ed (admissions), but I also wanted to expand upon one part of my resume, development and fundraising, and I don't know if it's going to be possible to reinvent myself at this stage in my life. And that thought had never occurred to me. I always thought you could reinvent yourself at any age. I love leafing through stories of people starting careers at 50-60-70; winning Ironman races in their age group; starting foundations when a passion emerges later in life, etc. etc.

Since I've been home with the twyns I have been trying on a lot of different hats. I'm always passionate about these things, but nothing fits for very long.  I once had a very close friend tell me that I probably can't do one thing at once, and that's my 'one thing.' That was very kind of her to say.


I'm frustrated.

By myself. My lack of focus. How I look to others. My inconsistency. Where I am going.

Where I am running to. 

So I've stopped running.

The project that has been consuming my time as of late, which started in 2013, is very exciting, but also a big fat tease, because I get to compose music again and be a part of the theatre world but again, be reminded that it is a huge world where many create and few are heard through the masses.
The good news is that the boy likes it.

It is called LET US NOW PRAISE SUSAN SONTAG. But I do really like it. I think it is sounding really, really, amazing. Sibyl is having me publish the music with the script, so I'm working on editing and making the score look right for musicians I may someday never meet but who would want to play my stuff. So I want to share the details with you, in case you are in the NYC area April 28 - May 16th. Click on the picture for details:


 Abrons Arts Center
465 Grand Street
NY, NY 10002

Also, the writer, Sibyl Kempson, is launching a much-awaited theatre company of her own (she is kind of a big deal), and will host readings on April 6th at the Martin Segal Center to promote it and her campaign to fund it. Click the pic for the facebook page.


See/share IndieGoGo campaign here. I would really love it if you could share it, and/or the Facebook page.


Also, Thanks.

Hearts.

And if you know what I'm supposed to be doing right now, let me know.

Thanks.

Hearts.




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