I can't seem to finish anything.
I'm at least 15 pounds over my training weight for last year's half-ironman. I could post one of those 'transformation' photos in reverse. This is how "hard" I've worked over the last 10 months to get to where I am today. I quit the gym, thought I'd take advantage of some groupons, race with friends, and swim at our club pool. And Nada. As in, not-a-thing has happened. I did get off my a$$ to join the Villanova gym as a "township member", but have only gone three times, and mostly to swim. There's nothing like swimming in a university pool. I signed up for Broad Street 10-miler again, but ended up having a family commitment so had to quit training halfway in. I mean, blame it on the snowpocalypse, that sh** was no joke, but it's been six months, y'all. Snowpocalypse nopocalypse.
Then the kids got sick.
"Full day camp" was supposed to be a time when I would write the great American musical (started, not finished); come up with all these new ETSY products (kinda, but not really yet); lose that post-half-ironman-weight (I said I wanted a break from triathlon, not to break up with it!); and conquer a million house/organization projects.
Nope. Four weeks later, I've experienced at least 6 sick days out of 19 possible camp days.
Although, apparently when the kids are at home, I get more done!? How is this possible.
I think, actually, what's most true, is that the more I have to do, the more I get done.
So I need to come up with a plan. Or I need to hang out with some friends who have one.
I've made several pushes for the blog to be successful in the past, and yet, I'm still not there, either. Again, another project I don't see to completion.
I truly am enjoying my life, I just have this weird feeling that it is coming to an end. I guess I am suffering from some low-level depression, which is really really really not me so I wouldn't recognize it if it came around.
I never experienced PPD, so perhaps this is PKD, or pre-kindergarten depression. It is also coinciding with some extended family drama, so there's that.
"Kindergarten" was always the timing that came up for me and my husband that felt like the absolute last day I would be found as a stay-at-home mom. But we don't have a new plan quite yet. We now want to see how the kids do this year. Hitting the formal/public education system, we are still waiting for our luck to end and find someone has some lingering preemie learning issues or something. That's SO HORRIBLE to say but I know it's still in the back of our minds. We want to be here for the kids if they need any boosts in life.
So why can't I settle in? I still have this awful pit in my stomach. It usually gets worse when I think of my kids hanging out with fifth graders, who may or may not know about the Santa clause.
And, Mickey Mouse.
I don't want to give up Mickey Mouse. I'm working on dedicating the kids bathroom redo to my non-existent Disney Cruise this year. Wah, poor me, I know...
these twyns. They were worth every second of the last five years of my time.
I have experienced a boat-load of orders this week, hence the reason I got off my a$$ to write this post.
And got me thinking about some other products, which is may or may not ever come to fruition...
Cause I'd rather build Legos, frankly...
And play Quirkle with this girl.
That is all.