Thursday, October 10, 2013

I've always enjoyed driving fast

Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.
~ Fulton Oursler
I'm not in a good place tonight. I'm playing the "what if" game and that's never a good thing. I guess it is a testament to how happy I am in my life right now because that is always the precise moment in which I would like to muck it up. And I don't mean muck.

I wonder how I could have made my musical theatre career happen earlier, or bigger, or badder. I imagine how I could have built up my songwriting skills with my music buddies in college more. Could have gone off with the band after graduation. How I could have stayed in NYC instead of following my now-husband out of town. I would have continued with my writing partner and how many more musicals could have had a chance. How I could have chosen to continue with the BMI composer/lyricists workshop instead of getting my masters in a "legit" degree (read: pointless but somehow more respectable) in French & Romance Philology, of which I had to look up the meaning upon being accepted. What if I had decided to study with Ann Reinking, as I was invited to, the summer before leaving for college instead of hanging with my precious high school boyfriend. What if I hadn't wasted all of college *not* finding out what a fantastic guy my now-husband is.

Sigh.

But then again, I have made some opportunities happen.

This completely narcissistic and unnecessary self-examination is being brought to you by a 1970's "Soft Rock" infomercial I got sucked into last night. And I got to thinking what if I had been born 10 years earlier...oh the music I could have made...but I probably would have died of a cocaine overdose. I think that would have been a drug I would have liked.

Having grown up in the "this is your brain on drugs" generation, I have had a lot of great [non-drug-related] experiences.

I did actually marry my husband and lock him down.

I still have a pipeline to my goals, just am a little slower to them.

But slow and steady wins the race, right?

Better to achieve your lifelong goals over a lifetime, rather than wasting your 20's bathed in immense success and worry if you will ever experience it again?!

Right. I'm sure that's what Britney and Miley and Sutton Foster say...

I just - feel like - sometimes -

If I had known the destination, 
I would have driven there a lot sooner.



Does Christopher Cross have this effect on you as well? 

ps speaking of the 70's, stop over to bobturba.com and wish him a happy birthday ;)



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