Indeed, I totally killed it and felt great about 'leaving it all out there.' I did my job that day.
It surprised me, because, although I didn't get the callback, and you all were disappointed for me, I wasn't that phased because it happens all the time! Many of you asked me, 'will you hear if you don't get it?' And that's the biz of it - nope; you don't. And that's why I took a six year hiatus from the biz and that's why I'm happy to say it is no longer my primary source of income! It's highly frustrating. It's highly subjective. And it's highly addictive.
I believe this is why racing has become addictive to me as well; it fulfills the need for adrenalin and recognition. It's the same sweat, the same euphoria at a job well done. There will always be lines flubbed, flat notes, and rhythms lost, but you almost always cross the finish line and receive your applause.
Ahhhhh, applause. I can't quit it.
Now the interesting part of this post is that I learned the company may have gone and/or been looking for a non-equity (that is, non-union) performer for the role to keep costs down for such a small production, and since the role is primarily for a younger actress.
And this is not the first time I've heard this story.
And it doesn't make me mad, or frustrated, or get all 'union pride' about it ; I recognize the push-pull in this situation and in general, that Philly is a smaller market and there are less union jobs here.
But it also doesn't make me want to give up my union card and start booking gigs around here as non-union.
NEVER. NOT ONCE.
HAS NOT CROSSED MY MIND.
I worked very hard to get that card, to keep that card, and to represent what that card represents: a professional actress. A professional artist. A professional.
I want casting directors to know what they are getting with me: nothing but a pro. If you want to take a chance on someone else; it may very well work out for you. Most shows in Philly will not run for years like they do on Broadway; they may not even run two weeks. Many performers could produce a quality performance for you without having gone through the ropes of getting an Equity card. But if you don't want to take any chances and want to feel comfortable about the process you are about to enter into: hire a pro.
And if you are not ready for that commitment yet; or not with this show or not with this production company, then I totally understand. But I'm not going to make a commitment in a lesser scenario either. I will keep showing up ; doing my job; and let you know that I'm here.
Ready when you are ready.
Willing when you are willing.
And able. To do the job.
If you want a pro.