I have been so wrapped up in updating the blog to a .com
that I have been a little remiss on my content.
*sorry 'bout that*
But I noticed that it's been a busy time for all of us... [half my usual # of hits but whatevs]
I have certainly been remiss on my reading as well.
But I have something brewing in my heart so,
as usual, I'll just get it out here and you can help me through it.
I don't know. I honestly do. not. know. what I did to this woman, but there was a 'jab' of some sort and I must have offended her.
Because about 18 months into our relationship, about 10 of which included sometimes three-times-a-day gatherings [workout - playdate - night out], she !blocked! me. On the facebook, of course.
Now, if you have not had the pleasure of being blocked on fb, you don't know exactly what that means: it is not just 'unfriending' this person, but it is to the extent at which you would no longer see them in a search of their name, and if you were in a group together, and they posted, you would not see their postings. If you have mutual friends, and you both commented on a status of that mutual friend - she might see your comment, but you wouldn't see any of hers. I say 'might' because, of course, I have never blocked anyone on facebook, so I don't know how it works from that side of the coin. And of course, there is a certain game of chicken played, because I obviously can't block someone who has already blocked me, so 'she who blocks first' gets the self-satisfying knowledge that the other cannot repay the favor.
It's as if you don't exist in their life anymore.
[even though you could very well see them at the grocery store]
So whatever gets you through the day...
I don't live my life with secrets. I don't try to be someone I'm not. And I don't hesitate to tell someone how I feel. This has made my transition to in-laws rather difficult [think of my poor sister-in-law], but all of my relationships, and particularly those that truly matter, grow deeper and richer as I grow older.
So a "block" would not be my preferred method of addressing an issue with someone. I don't like pretending. I don't like putting up a wall. Even if I find someone I don't like, or it's clear that someone doesn't like me, I prefer to find a neutral body of water where we can both swim about.
But to each her own. And I must say, I'm glad to not have to 'work' at that relationship anymore; it was exactly that: a lot of work.
And I learned some very important lessons from this relationship. The best one was, getting up at 5:30 am, running to the gym to meet her, and leaving the morning wake-up call of two infants to my husband.
Prior to that time I had not spent more than an hour away from my children unless a grandparent was involved. I was extremely locked into a pattern of full-time care for my twins. I did not transition from my career to mommyhood - I strapped on the Nitrox tank and dove deep into 200 feet of murky water and was there for a very very long dive - not knowing what wreckage I would stumble across; what creatures may be lurking; what beautiful and gorgeous sea life I may encounter.
And I did not come up for air until about three months into this relationship
with this woman.
And I am forever grateful.
The same self-preserving quality it required to block someone,
is the same self-preserving attitude I needed to incorporate into my life.
Although, that same self-preservation lesson I learned,
probably led me on a path straight the hell away from her.
And I am forever grateful.