Monday, May 20, 2013

The Jab - The "Block" - The Lesson

I have been so wrapped up in updating the blog to a .com 
that I have been a little remiss on my content. 

*sorry 'bout that*

But I noticed that it's been a busy time for all of us... [half my usual # of hits but whatevs]

I have certainly been remiss on my reading as well. 

But I have something brewing in my heart so, 
as usual, I'll just get it out here and you can help me through it. 

I don't know. I honestly do. not. know. what I did to this woman, but there was a 'jab' of some sort and I must have offended her. 

Because about 18 months into our relationship, about 10 of which included sometimes three-times-a-day gatherings [workout - playdate - night out], she !blocked! me. On the facebook, of course. 

Now, if you have not had the pleasure of being blocked on fb, you don't know exactly what that means: it is not just 'unfriending' this person, but it is to the extent at which you would no longer see them in a search of their name, and if you were in a group together, and they posted, you would not see their postings. If you have mutual friends, and you both commented on a status of that mutual friend - she might see your comment, but you wouldn't see any of hers. I say 'might' because, of course, I have never blocked anyone on facebook, so I don't know how it works from that side of the coin. And of course, there is a certain game of chicken played, because I obviously can't block someone who has already blocked me, so 'she who blocks first' gets the self-satisfying knowledge that the other cannot repay the favor.

It's as if you don't exist in their life anymore. 
[even though you could very well see them at the grocery store]

So whatever gets you through the day...

I don't live my life with secrets. I don't try to be someone I'm not. And I don't hesitate to tell someone how I feel. This has made my transition to in-laws rather difficult [think of my poor sister-in-law], but all of my relationships, and particularly those that truly matter, grow deeper and richer as I grow older.

So a "block" would not be my preferred method of addressing an issue with someone. I don't like pretending. I don't like putting up a wall. Even if I find someone I don't like, or it's clear that someone doesn't like me, I prefer to find a neutral body of water where we can both swim about.

But to each her own. And I must say, I'm glad to not have to 'work' at that relationship anymore; it was exactly that: a lot of work. 

And I learned some very important lessons from this relationship. The best one was, getting up at 5:30 am, running to the gym to meet her, and leaving the morning wake-up call of two infants to my husband. 

Prior to that time I had not spent more than an hour away from my children unless a grandparent was involved. I was extremely locked into a pattern of full-time care for my twins. I did not transition from my career to mommyhood - I strapped on the Nitrox tank and dove deep into 200 feet of murky water and was there for a very very long dive - not knowing what wreckage I would stumble across; what creatures may be lurking; what beautiful and gorgeous sea life I may encounter. 

And I did not come up for air until about three months into this relationship 
with this woman. 

And I am forever grateful.  

The same self-preserving quality it required to block someone, 
is the same self-preserving attitude I needed to incorporate into my life.

Although, that same self-preservation lesson I learned, 
probably led me on a path straight the hell away from her. 

And I am forever grateful.








4 comments:

  1. Wait, so how did you know you were blocked? Have I been blocked? How would I know?! Ack! Self doubt!

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    Replies
    1. LOL - they would drop off your feed, and you would try and search for them by name - and they wouldn't come up in a search. You would think they left facebook, but no one leaves facebook, so you would ask your wife to search for their name from her account and it would come up. And then you too are a victim of THE BLOCK. But not Tenor Dad, no never...

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  2. I've been there, honestly letting go of toxic friendships is hard. Yes if the other person blocked you, they have the satisfaction of knowing they did it and you can't retaliate.BUT you have the satisfaction of knowing you don't have to be in a friendship you have to work at anymore. I was there within last 6 months, at first its a hard pill to swallow but as time goes on you realize who you want and NEED in your life, and who was only a convenience.

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    Replies
    1. Thankfully it has been a little more than six months for me, and I can appreciate the perspective NOW. It was a hard pill to swallow, thanks for understanding. :)

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