Monday, April 22, 2013

Identity crisis / Spazz Alert

Audition season is over. 
Onto training season.
Trying to finish up winter sewing projects 
so I can close up shop for the summer, 
in a manner of speaking.

And audition notice pops up...

A local theatre company will be putting on The Last Five Years, pretty much:
  • one of my fave musicals of all time
  • one of the first shows hubby and I saw as a couple
  • one of my audition go-to books for new material
There are only two characters in the musical: a man, and a woman. 
You can guess their relationship.
The man is cast.
But the woman is not!
The show is in June.

This is very late in the season for her not to be cast.

This is the kind of last-minute clean up job I am best at. 

AND this is a DREAM role for me.


I didn't KNOW I was freaking out, until I started to get distracted on the phone with hubby...called twice to confirm an appointment time...started bringing the book around with me everywhere to mine it for the perfect two minutes of music for the audition...and singing my face off at every quiet moment of the day. [think of the children; those poor, poor children.]

As I was singing through every minute of the show, 
looking for that perfect two minutes that I:
  • could relate to as a person
  • could portray as an actress
  • could sing easily when nervous
  • could read young in a small audition room
  • could do all that and still show my vocal range
  • could do all that and show I know this show and will be extremely dedicated to it,
I realized, there is something else about this show that makes it meaningful to me.

The story is about an actress [duh] who is struggling with her identity as she starts a relationship with a man who becomes a famous author. His world takes over hers, and she does not want to be: 
"the girl, stuck at home in the burbs, with the baby, the dog, and a garden of herbs..."
So of course, I start to cry.

And want to immediately drop the children off at my husband's office and drive directly to NYC and stalk a couple of agents who would see me. 

But, I love my life. 

I would not trade my family for anything. 

But the show, and those words, are still me. A large part of me then, in 2002, when hubby and I got tickets to it in the early days of our relationship. It signaled a piece of art we could agree upon: contemporary music, a unique direction and storyline, something new, but still good old, musical theatre. And the words are still a small part of me now. 

That run-away-and-go-on-tour part of me does not seem to go away. 

Usually a day or two - even a girls' night out - will quiet it for a few months. 

But the beast must be fed. 


[audition is next Tuesday night.]


  1. life is funny and unexpected and never gets less confusing no matter how 'settled down' you are...good luck on your audition! XXOO

    1. I know! I can't imagine how complicated things are going to get when the kids start to go their own ways!! Oi!!

  2. i don't think we ever give up who we were, nor do we have to. good luck on the audition and figuring this stuff out! Its a constant battle ... but my past is mostly quiet thank goodness. BTW, how do I subscribe to your blog by email? Can I?

    1. Oh you are so sweet - thank you! There is a little "subscribe to" box on the side bar somewhere - but honestly I'll be moving just like you hopefully SOON to a .com so I'll keep you 'posted' ;)


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