Tuesday, February 12, 2013

I'm giving up

A few weeks ago I was doing it, and now I just want to bail on all of it. 

Pity party of 1, please. 

I just had a fantastic vacation - so maybe it's just post-holiday blues...
I still haven't even taken my Christmas decorations down, so I kinda delayed that post-holiday slump to double up on me... right about ... NOW. 
bam.
I can't even put CAPS on my pop words...
I think being sick has just taken its toll.
It's stressing me out that every day I'm going to keep waking up with it.
Plus, I HATE taking meds. 
I'm on my third antibiotic...and it's a doozy. 

I'm starting to feel like I can't do anything, and won't be doing anything, and that everything I have done in life was not really as cool as I thought it was.  

Can't get my supplier straight for the ETSY shop...so it's still on vacay mode. Am I missing out on some exposure in these last two weeks? Who knows, but hubby is doing the taxes and wants me to report all my expenses so I have to face facts that I've actually made no money.
It doesn't upset me - I make many quilts and things every year for people and never charge, so at least I'm heading towards a zero balance for my fabric habit... 

I can't even run a mile these days so how am I going to log 70.3?! Starting to feel the pressure, even though I will likely pull my sh** together about six weeks before hand and really fall on my face.

Disney/family vacay was fantastic at times, but awful at other times. It's a nice little reality show of your weaknesses as a parent, couple. Person...

Acting. I have an audition tomorrow, and am totally unprepared, and still have less than half a voice. Should I just do two monologues, instead of a monologue and song? This is an audition for a local company that I've been looking forward to all year. I want to show them my best, but that's not going to happen. I'm just not focused on this as a career right now. I guess I need another break from it. The kids come home with a virus and it goes straight to my lymph nodes and vocal chords. I can't live like that. 
The doc said to me yesterday, "If this were my profession, I would be getting tested for allergies, and taking reflux meds as often as I need them." He also suggested getting a primary physician, which I still haven't done for myself in the last four years of living here, but have done for the kids and hubby. 

I just don't care about myself.

I just don't care enough to really continue to try and break into the Philly scene for a career that will only make my family life more complicated.
Speaking of, that's all I see in my future Half-Ironman training. Complicated family life. 

I know that when I'm training, I manage to super-fy everything else in my life. 
But maybe that's just my endorphin-soaked brain that believes that to be true? 

Blurgh.

[I promise a cute Disney post soon... ]



2 comments:

  1. Chin up - it's just a rough day.

    They say when you least want to go for a run (or in your case, bike or swim) that's when you need it most.

    And I always feel depressed when I get home from Disney, so I'm sure being sick isn't helping. Blame it all on the mouse.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Can I join you in the pity party?

    Hang in there. Re-entry into real life is always hard.

    ReplyDelete

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