Tuesday, October 23, 2012

My closet vomit giveaway

Ok so some of you were curious about those closet non-giveaway-giveaways I mentioned in my disaster day post

[ok one of you]

[that was a very question-productive post]

[glad so much of you enjoyed my misery]

So here's the story. 

Ever have one of those days where you can't find anything to wear or anything that matches and you just start tearing everything out of your drawers and closet and end up weeding through the heap to find something, ANYTHING, that makes you feel like a real person who lives in society? 

That's me every morning. 

I have never really been able to dress myself. In high school I thought I was rocking in the Laura Ashley floor-length dress and doc martins. There may have also been some floral jumpsuits my grandmother made me [at my request, sigh] with a white collared shirt underneath [again, sigh]. There was a Victorian vibe I don't really want to explore further. 

So last year when I got that little gig, I started making some mommy cash and decided I deserved to wear something other than yoga pants and holey shirts on a daily basis. Now that I'm back to wearing yoga pants and holey shirts [it's really my comfort zone, since I'm a spazz and likely to muss up anything else I wear anyways], I'm starting to realize I made a few irrational purchases last year that I probably shouldn't have worn in my *ahem* position in life. Or maybe it's just because my a$$ is always bigger than I thought it was [hubby nods].

Let's start with the 'jeggings' / leggings and boots style everyone can wear except me. I can't find the right height boots, and I can't seem to find leggings that won't either fall off my a$$ or be stretched so much that you can see whatever type of underwear I attempt to plaster on underneath them. 

All items are either large or one-size-fits-all.

The jeggings were of the too-thin-for-my-wide-a$$-variety and the black ones on the right have leopard-print fuzz on the cuffs. So cute, right? Alas, I'm not a 24-year-old whore anymore. Please let me send them to you if you are. No judgements. 

NAILED it!
As for the boots - they were my first - and best - purchase. Not for giveaway! 

So going along with the leggings/boots look, I bought these leg warmers. I wore them quite a few times until my 24-year-old musical director, who happens to moonlight as a model [for real], told me to lose them. I haven't been able to wear them since. There's a little wear on the bottom, because they slipped down off my fat calves quite a bit and would trail on the streets of Philly. There ya go, cowgirls. Authentic Philly dirt for ya. Eat 'em up.

Oh - and then, as I was on my way out of the glamorous life and headed back to mommy-ville, but Disney Cruis-in mommyville, I thought I could sport this sundress. Ha! TOO SHORT. Even for my stumpy legs. So it was packed, but never worn. Not even as a cover-up. The lace trim is like, a peekaboo for my cellulite. 

I think that's enough for now, right? So, seriously : the rules are : first one to comment on each item gets it. Shipping is FREE. What have you to got to lose but your dignity. And as you can see, I've already trumped you on that one. 

3 comments:

  1. I LOVE the leg warmers! I'd probably cut off the pom poms, but I've been searching everywhere for leg warmers like those. Where did you get them?

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    Replies
    1. DSW last year, and I'd be happy to send them to you. As for my closet, I cannot take credit. We bought the house with it - we would never treat ourselves so nice! Not much sleep lost how they foreclosed on the place...[no seriously, they committed mortgage frauds]...

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  2. Also, I'm completely drooling over you closet. It is amazing.

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