Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Mommy dating

"She's way out of your league, bro..."

I've been dating mommies for awhile now, and being the playgroup whore butterfly that I am, I thought I would impart some of what I've learned and how I visualize the mommy grid & grind. Maybe it will help you, if you just became a mom, or if you are a sadist/voyeur and are looking to learn more about one of the most insecure times of my life [you sicko.]

Let me preface by instructing you that mommy friends start out differently than other friends; you want to hang with other people who have the same age child(ren) as you do. This puts the entire relationship on a different level to start. It's kind of like high school; if you want to date a Senior, and you are a Freshman, that's fine, but you are going to still count freshmen as the majority of your friendships. Only they understand your Bio homework, your desire to get on the JV cheerleading squad, the evolution of your bra size [or lack thereof]...etc...

Quick & Dirty: Evolution of mommy dating
  • "It's good for the kids": Take a class
  • "I miss co-workers": Join a Playgroup
  • "Out to lunch": Connect with one someone
  • "When can we hang out without the kids?!": Really connect
  • "Let's set up the hubbys": Taking it to the next level
  • "Family 2 Family": Everyone miraculously gets along
  • "Vacay Play Date": we all get along, have the same schedule, budget, & vacation mentality
  • "The children must marry and unite our kingdoms": I imagine this would be next...and you know I always have my eyes open...
Slow & Painful: My experience with twins

I knew, even before I had kids, when a friend of mine was suffering from post-partum depression. I told her to join a class or a "mommy and me" group. I didn't even know exactly what any of that meant, but as most of my friends were waiting to have kids until after we had begun a career track, that was going to equal a serious breakdown of ego once baby pops out. 

So, as is my way, I skipped step one and went straight to step two as soon as I got my head above water. About month 5, I naively went about starting a playgroup of my very own. I went through my twin mommy handbook [yep, they give us one] and emailed all the mommies who had kids within a few months of mine. 4 ladies came over. "I have a date!!" I tell the hubby. And we're still great friends today. That was my Wednesday. 

One of them took a baby music class. So I followed. That was my Tuesday.

In this class I basically spent 30 minutes juggling slippery half-dead fish that would frequently mess and smell as good as said dead fish. I'm thinking, "Hey, I look like an idiot in front of a bunch of strangers on a weekly basis. When can I go home?" I distinctly remember the exact moment one of my [now] friends was loading her baby into her car down the parking lot from me loading my smelly fish babies into my car after this 'super fun' baby music class one day. She yells down the way, "Do you have a playgroup? Do you want to come over?"

Cue: Hallelujah Chorus

Pretty sure I called hubby immediately upon driving away and counted this as a six-month review of my mommy abilities as if I were asking the boss for a raise. Someone asked me to a playgroup. Clearly my social skills were starting our children out on the right track of social supremacy immediately. "She invited me over!" This was my Friday.

Playgroups were a Godsend! The larger one was on Fridays, and I remember thinking this sucks because I couldn't come into the "office" on Mondays and tell them, my coworkers, about my weekend. I had to wait a whole WEEK to tell them what exciting things I was able to accomplish when two parents were present. Alas, I rarely got to finish a conversation since I was chasing two monkeys around versus everyone else's one. Hence the reason I also coveted my twin playgroup! We somehow managed to ignore and placate our children long enough to maintain at least one or two threads of a conversation. Somehow. I believe puffs [cheesy, not mary-jane you stoner] and occasionally Baby Einstein were involved. 

At the same time, another [now] friend started asking me out for lunch after baby music class. Again, call to hubby: "I got her digits!!" 

And then, as time went on, some "mommies night out's" were introduced. It was not always in my cards in the beginning. It was harrrrd getting out alone. Even if hubby came home before midnight, he couldn't necessarily handle bedtime for both once they were popping up. But if I planned out my day correctly and Jupiter was in the seventh house, I got them down before 8 and drove like hell to an event. Two weeks after the kids were home from the NICU and we were dazed and confused settled in Philly, one of hubby's coworkers, who also happened to be a twin mommy, took me out. We walked past the young, non-spit-upon hotties at the bar and wondered who we were. But where we were, was OUT. And how we were, was without children.  "She's driving me somewhere and I don't care where!!" I yelled at him, as I bolted out the door with my new friend.

Maestro, encore please: Hallelujah Chorus

And then there were some "mixed" events...hubbies invited, families united...and worlds collided. I'll never forget leaving a birthday party and me getting a text from my mommy friend, "my hubby wants your hubby's number!" "BABE! HE WANTS YOUR NUMBER!! HE'S GOING TO TEXT YOU!" I laugh, jump, and yell at him as he slumps into his post-event position on the couch. SO exciting. 

This leads to a double date...and a family date...and who knows, maybe more...I may have met the mommy of my dreams...

But BE COOL, twynmawrmom. "Be cool," hubby tells me. You have been burned before. Mommies sometimes bail. They sometimes move on to faster crowds...lobster dinners...hotter cars...
"She's just not that into you!" He'd say.
"It's ok, you always have me," he'd reassure me.
"There are other fish in the sea, " my mama always told me.
There are, indeed, always other mommies at the zoo. 
Thank goodness, I got me some. 

In my best Barry White voice: A big shout out to all my ladies out there...

[Oh, was this post supposed to be about the children!?]


  1. That progression of mommy friends is spot on. Now, if only we still betrothed our kids ;)

    1. Oh you mean I don't get to pick!?! Thanks for your comment!! I love your blog.

  2. ah. i so remember the lifesaving power of my baby playgroups. mine came through the hospital who had a breastfeeding guru who gave group sessions (that was my wednesday) and then from there we would meet almost every day somewhere, with our boobs hanging out shamelessly. then came baby #2, before the others had baby #2 and life got more complicated, and I am complicated and wow ... i could relate a whole story here. Point is, these women were KEY to my sanity and though I rarely if ever see any of them, I am grateful to each one of them. Happy to hear you found your way through it too ...

    1. LOL! How we got through the boobs hanging out-stage and still manage to be friends is beyond me!! Thanks for reading. :)

  3. I still maintain that that playgroup is what allowed me to keep my sanity that first year. Those Wednesday afternoons in your apartment were the best part of my week!


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