Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Where are my minions

I don't know why you are reading my blog, but I'm very excited that you are, because I have a secret to tell you: no one listens to me. Well actually that's not a secret at all. Sorry to disappoint you. No, the real secret is that people used to listen to me. Like, intently. Like I was smart.

I used to be kind of a big deal.

Like I would fight for something and I would win. Well specifically I would fight for students on the admission table and I would win. People respected my opinion and heeded it! Not all the time, but they knew I had something to contribute to the matter and they should listen to me, because if they didn't, it was going to come back and haunt them, most likely in the form of me saying, "do you remember last year when I mentioned this? 'Cause I do..."

I had millions of people working for me. Ok, not millions, but many. And I told them what to do and they listened. And it was good.

Now NO ONE listens to me. Especially the under 5 set. I talk and yell and even wave my arms to get their attention, but they play me like a fool. I set rules, and they are broken immediately. I ask questions, and I get blank stares. Until I want a cup of coffee or to go to the bathroom, then we would like to chat.

It's time to get tough, mommies! Would you let an employee get away with this sh**??
The boss has been on my back for like, three years now
There must be a way to automate the process of getting them dressed & fed, blow on their hot food, get their bike helmets on, inspire their spirits. Can't we do this online?  Call tech support. I simply must have this done by Tuesday.

It takes a lot of effort to be a good manager. I've been teaching my husband that as you move up the ranks, you must spend just as much time managing as 'doing' your job. In fact, being a manager is your job, and if you do it really well, that's all you need to do. He doesn't listen to that either.

And this brings me to my now. I'm starting to realize that I've slacked off as a manager. I was so busy supporting their newborn necks and preparing their formula bottles that I lost sight that I was in control. I often found myself saying "I'm in charge!", but again, no one listened, least of all me, so that didn't work.

A little attitude change is all I need. I've started to make them realize that getting dressed is their job, and I'm just there to support them in difficult situations, such as a zipper. It's as if to say, "aren't I such a good mommy, kneeling here in front of you while you figure out that the penis pocket on your underwear goes near your penis and not your a$$? I don't have to be here, but I'm just giving you some support while you learn the proper way to do your job."

I think it's going to help.

Hold on. Bosses calling...


  1. Perhaps you are being the ultimate manager by delegating authority to the workers? e.g., "You, C! You are in charge of the putting the undies on right."

    But more likely, you need to delegate authority for realistic things like, "You are in charge of making sure mommy does not get out of the house today without a sore throat."

    I can tell you from experience, it works.

  2. I often feel as if no one listens to what I am saying. Glad to hear I'm not the only one. :)

    1. I'd listen to you, Amanda, but every time we get together there is a lot of ambient noise. ;)


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