Wednesday, July 25, 2012
My son is in a very sensitive psycho-sexual phase right now. He is 3 1/2 and I'm afraid we have just begun. Last night he had a dream that "girls and boys were chasing me and touching my peanuts." I asked him, "what boys? what girls?" but he couldn't answer. He said "they were chasing me." So I told him, "that's why we wear underwear, to protect our peanuts", because, basically, the boy wants to be naked 24/7 and sooner or later it's going to haunt me that I've let him hang around the house like this on a regular basis so I've got to start rationalizing clothing in some way or another. He is so textbook Oedipal--wanting to be with mommy, sleep in the bed with mommy, or have her sleep with him. This also includes rejecting Daddy, which of course completely demolishes my husband's Daddy ego.
OH....ego...where did you go...Mommies don't have those...
I tried to discuss the dream with my son more this morning, hoping to derive the source of this particular image, hoping that there is nothing going on in his 'real' life that has entered his dream life, but no such luck on that front. I asked him what he did/said to the boys and girls and he said he "was just hitting them....with a hammer."
Classic Freud. A freakin' hammer. Phallic. Totally justifies my reading aloud the Wikipedia entry to the hubby the other night...
"I was just hitting them like this", and he proceeds to make a fast series of downward-swiping-moves that lead to his penis. Uh-huh.
The only alone time he has been 'naked' also includes his twin sister. As she bounded down the stairs this morning to join our little chat, it occurred to me to ask him if his sister was in the dream. "Yeah."
"And what was she doing?"
"She was just lovin' me....and she was giving me hearts..."
Aw, so cute. Maybe she like, saved him a little, instead of being the perpetrator of the peanuts-touching.
"But I just don't want hearts." Hmph. Ok. Gotta call Grandma in on this one. Way over my head now. Something else I could ask? Should I ask his emotion at the time? Should I try to reassure him, or make it so that it's not a big deal? Should I tell his sister? Should I grab him some underwear right now to double-reinforce the issue and double reinforce his need to wear them since he is just wearing his pj pants after having ripped off his nighttime pull-up diaper? Does this mean I'm going too far in letting him associate with his penis and be naked as often as he likes within the confines of our home? Should I applaud his self-defense in this situation or start the violence conversation? Or am I not doing enough to help him identify with his penis and maleness and force him to do "guy" things with Daddy? Is he going to be MESSED UP FOR LIFE NOW? HAVE I ALREADY RUINED HIS BODY IMAGE, SELF WORTH, and NATURAL CONFIDENCE??
"So...you hit them. All better, right?!?" There's something.
"No, I just want to eat my purple bread."
Hmph. Coffee now.